ZUG, SWITZERLAND, December 8th, 2024 – In a revelation that has left blockchain enthusiasts and industry insiders scratching their heads, a recent survey has confirmed that absolutely no one cares about the transaction speed of the SEI Network, despite its claims of processing an astronomical number of transactions per second.
For months, SEI Network has proudly touted its ability to handle transactions faster than a caffeinated squirrel on roller skates. However, it appears that the crypto community is more interested in other pressing issues—like whether or not their NFTs will still be worth anything next month.
“We were really hoping people would be impressed by our numbers,” said SEI’s Head of Overhyped Metrics, Tom Fastlane. “But it turns out they’re more concerned about hopping onto a new meme coin called RETARDIO.”
The survey, conducted by the prestigious Institute of Crypto Apathy, revealed that 98% of respondents were more interested in what Elon Musk is tweeting or whether their favorite influencer thinks Bitcoin is going to the moon. The remaining 2% were reportedly too busy trying to explain blockchain to their grandparents to respond.
Crypto commentators have noted that while transaction speed is important, it seems the community has reached a point where numbers alone aren’t enough to drive excitement. “It’s like saying you have the fastest car in a world where everyone’s using jetpacks,” explained blockchain analyst Jenna Blocks.
As SEI Network continues to push the boundaries of speed, they’ve announced plans to pivot their marketing strategy. Rumors suggest upcoming campaigns may focus on more relatable topics, such as how SEI can help users recover from awkward holiday dinner conversations about cryptocurrency.
In the meantime, The Cryptopian encourages its readers to continue not giving a $&*# about transaction speeds and instead focus on what truly matters—like finding out if you’ll ever get your money back from Hawk Tuah girl.