North Korean Hackers Send Holiday Thank You Cards to Ronin Network for the Gift of Low Security Standards

North Korean Hackers Send Holiday Thank You Cards to Ronin Network for the Gift of Low Security Standards

LUNACIA, December 8th 2024 – In a surprising display of holiday cheer, a North Korean hacking collective has sent festive thank you cards to the Ronin Network’s headquarters, expressing their gratitude for the network’s consistently generous security measures over the past year.

The cards were made of newspaper cuttings from North Korean state rag, Rodong Sinmun (Labor Party’s Dream for the Annihilation of Capitalist Pigs).

The cards, adorned with images of digital snowflakes and pixelated reindeer, were reportedly delivered by an encrypted courier service late last night. Each card included a personalized message from the hackers, praising Ronin Network’s commitment to making unauthorized access as effortless as possible.

One card, signed by the infamous hacker alias “ChosunBlue,” read, “Season’s Greetings! Thanks to your open-door security policy, we’ve been able to support our Supreme Leader’s fondness for German luxury cars. The Germans don’t care, they will sell their BMWs to any regime, but we needed cold, hard cash to get it. The Ethereum we stole from the Ronin Bridge was just the ticket.”

Another card, featuring a jolly Santa riding a blockchain sleigh, quipped, “It’s like Christmas every day with Ronin Network. Thank you, Jihoz, truly! The $RON we stole from your wallet has done wonders for our missile program budget. May your firewalls be ever low and your audits as rare as French cars in Pyongyang!”

In response to this unexpected gesture, Ronin Network’s spokesperson issued a statement saying, “We are touched by the holiday spirit shown by these individuals. While we strive for innovation in security, we appreciate the acknowledgment of our unique approach.”

As the season of goodwill continues, Ronin Network assures its users that they are committed to maintaining their tradition of providing easy access—though perhaps not in the way originally intended.

Meanwhile, the Lazarus Group is reportedly planning a New Year’s Eve bash to celebrate their successful year, rumored to include a countdown of their top ten breaches and a special toast to Ronin’s ongoing hospitality.

Happy holidays from The Cryptopian, where we remind you: always remember to check twice before you trust your crypto thrice!

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